My DH is a workaholic lawyer. He is a partner in a successful law firm in the city.
We are away on our half-term holiday and he has pretty much had to work every day. He was up until 1am last night as he has a deal on and I just snapped for the 100th time.
I’m sick to death of coming bottom of the list, sick of him being glued to his phone/laptop 24/7, sick of getting up on my own and going to bed on my own nearly every night, sick of living on a rollercoaster ride and my life being centred around his work. There is minimal intimacy, my needs especially emotional are very rarely met, he puts the needs of work colleagues before those of his family and friends.
His work is like a disease that is spreading poison throughout our marriage and family life. We have 3 DC, the youngest 8mnths. I can cope fine on my own, I have my own friends/interests etc.. but I’m wondering now what the point is of being married? Just for financial reasons? I’m not a material person and couldn’t care less about having lots of money or things - would much rather have the person.
I love him but I don’t like the person he has turned into. He’s not an emotional person so when I erupt in anger at his crazy working hours he is apathetic and agrees it’s **** but carries on doing it. He basically says I have to accept it. There are no boundaries in our relationship and I hate feeling powerless in my own life and not having a say in what goes on. He tries his best with the kids when he can, but he’s not emotionally available and even if he is at home his mind is elsewhere.
I’ve threatened divorce numerous times but it’s like the boy who’s cried wolf now. I panic at the last moment and think being a single mum will bring more problems of it’s own and mentally I don’t feel strong enough to deal with this. I also grew up with divorced parents and said I wouldn’t do it to my own kids. He doesn’t seem interested in relate counselling and I’m getting more and more desperate, I feel so trapped. I don’t work as I said I’m at home with 7, 2yr old and 6mnth old. I gave up my job to look after them as with his job there’s no way I could continue working, the DC’s need some stability from at least one of us.
What can I do? Is divorce the answer? I’m not sure I’d be happier. I’ve tried putting up with it and tolerated just about as much as I can. Sitting on holiday and feeling depressed as it’s the same **** different country, when we should be able to enjoy our time together makes me feel incredibly miserable. I’m starting CBT next week as I’ve hit such a low ebb I don’t know what’s normal anymore.
His dad is a workaholic and I’m scared my son will turn out the same way.
If anyone has been in the same boat or is please can you help me?
1 year, 6 months ago