I’d been in seawater before, but never at night, and never out so far that my feet couldn’t touch the bottom. If you’ve never been yourself, it’s a challenging experience to put in words; the brain is hard-wired to feel certain things about the ocean. Swimming pools do not trigger these ancestral memories. Wild water is dark. More so at night. If you put your hand beneath the surface, it vanishes.
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I wondered if I could get closer to the lights, which always seemed to hover just below my flippers. When no one else in the tour group was looking, I took a deep breath and plunged in over my head.

As soon as I submerged, I was paralyzed by fear.