1. Get curious.
Ask yourself these questions: Was breaking up an in-the-moment decision? Or was it brewing for a longer time? Is life better after the breakup? Worse? Unchanged? Was the relationship not working because the partner was not treating you properly?

Don’t be afraid to get feedback from people who know you well. How did they see you reflected in the relationship?

2. Take a relationship inventory.
If you’re still searching for clarity, look back. Were there any signs or symptoms of an unhealthy relationship? Without assigning blame, see what dynamics led to your relationship dissatisfaction and influenced your decision to leave. Were you or your partner judgmental? Did you not give each other the benefit of the doubt? Did you not appropriately take a stand for what you needed in the relationship? Did you tend to make your partner wrong when most of what couples fight about is simply a matter of opinion? Take full responsibility for your part of the dance.

As I tell couples in counseling, we each have 100% responsibility for what shows up in a relationship. That’s great news, since that means we can change things for ourselves going forward.

3. Don’t beat yourself up.
It’s perfectly natural to have regrets even if you know the breakup is the best thing for you. Recognize that what you’re feeling is normal and doesn’t necessarily mean you made the wrong decision. Don’t beat yourself up.

This is a good time to practice radical acceptance. The ability to tolerate our feelings, even the painful ones, is a sign of emotional health and a necessary skill for good relationships.