What to Do If You Regret Breaking Up?
posted in Community by
douglas69
Having regrets postbreakup doesn’t necessarily mean that you should get back together with your ex. We’re wired to feel bad when we experience the loss of a relationship, even if we’re the one who initiated the breakup. Longing, sadness, and grief are all exquisitely wired into our emotional instincts, and they can help us lean into doing the work of growth as a person. That’s good news! Regret is part of grieving, and as I like to say, breakdown often means breakthrough.
How to recognize if you have regrets
Short answer: We ruminate.
Longer answer: We tend to think about loss in the same way we ruminate about new relationships.
On the upside of new love, we think about that person all the time—and those thought loops can be very exciting and pleasurable. But even under the influence of new love, our inner dialogue can reverberate with concerns, fears, and worries about perceived threats to the relationship. We are creatures of attachment, and loss looms large for us.
When we break up, it’s not unusual to experience a similar kind of rumination, in particular when we aren’t feeling complete and there’s more work yet to be done. It’s normal, in other words, to regret breaking up—even if you’re the one who did the dumping. Relationship healing, as it turns out, is an inside job that needs to happen even if the particular relationship doesn’t continue.
2 years, 6 months ago